Sunday, November 16, 2014

I'll stop wearing black when they make a darker colour


There have been countless occasions where someone has told me 'STOP WEARING BLACK, WEAR COLOUR ITS SO MUCH NICER'. 9/10 times its my mother, and 10/10 times its annoying. There are plenty of reasons you should keep wearing black.

(1) You can cook bacon
Black means you can cook bacon and eat Soup dumplings, or cream filled cronuts and truffled truffles sprinkled with truffle oil. Black doesn't stain.

(2) Your ensemble will always match
One time, I was wondering if my black leather dress matched the shade of my black bomber jacket, and then I remembered all shades of black match, because they're all black. Black.

(3) You're fre$h 24 sevsies
The other night, I finished my night at 10am. Walking to get a taxi in the clothing from the night before wasn't that bad, BECAUSE IT WAS ALL BLACK. Only the cab driver threw me a 'you look like you just came from the party' comment.

(4) It matches your soul
You're probably a bad person. You leave gum under tables, and put empty milk cartons back in the fridge, and you probably use the express checkout when you have 9723486 items. Don't wear some sort of bright colour to deceive people, let them know how horrible you are.

(5) You'll always look unapproachable
Because we all know people are annoying and the less they approach you asking for the time, or some gum or to feel your butt, the better.