Sunday, December 14, 2014

Being a Club Photographer taught me a few things


Sure, I'm not what you'd call a ~big time~ photographer, but nonetheless, I am able to experience one of those jobs everyone thinks is fun. The club photographer. I fell into it because I have a camera and friends who run events, and apparently I'm a decent shooter. I learnt a few things though, some I wish I hadn't and some I also wish I hadn't.

1) Insurance is key
To the girl who poured her $7 Bourbon & coke on my (disclosed amount) Nikon camera, lens and flash gun; you suck. I wouldn't be saying this if you had apologized, but instead you came running after me saying "doesn't that suck? This is my last drink, I'M BROKE". My camera is making a steady recovery, in case you cared.  

2) Selfies are cool again 
*Every second person in the crowd* "LETS TAKE A SELFIE, THE PHOTOGRAPHER NEEDS A PHOTO TOO H3H3H3HAHS5#4$6G". In this situation, when I do oblige (from fear of being followed to death), I often get licked or kissed whilst the selfie takes place. 

3) Everyone else is a photographer too
There is a constant stream of people grabbing and pulling my camera from my hands only to have a turn themselves. Its like everyone turns into this ruthless desperate being, hungry for the flesh of a human, except in this case its my camera.

4) You're the hottest girl in the club
When I have no camera, I may as well be a junkie's scrotum with hair glued onto it, because not only am I ignored, but I have an almost repulsive effect on the *males* in "Da Club". When I have a camera, I almost need to lube myself up with the human equivalent of mosquito spray and light citronella candles to ward off the male suitors.

5) It's so much fun and all of the above is often ignored regularly because I get to do things like this: